Have one's cake & eat it too

I really don't like this expression, and for years, didn't truly grasp what it conveyed.  I always thought, "huh? Isn't there another/better way to say this?"  But, I guess there's a reason this idiom has been around for a long time.  And I must admit, for the past 8-10 days, I have wanted to have my cake and eat it too in many ways.

M started working at the Embassy last week, in a part-time job share position.  We had known about this for a while, and it meant we had to make childcare arrangements for baby S.  We found a lady who has prior experience with babysitting 2 children (for different families who provided good references) as young as S, and she started coming to our house about 10 days ago.  That is where the "wanting best of both worlds" began:

1. I want both M and me to be able to work, but it's been an adjustment to have someone else watch our baby while we are at work.  Yes, rationally, it does not make sense that one could accomplish the former without involving the latter, but it's a different matter actually doing it.
2. We are fortunate to have a nanny who will provide one-on-one care for S in his own familiar surroundings.  It is nice that we can pay her a good wage by local standards, and have it be within our means.  The flip side of this is someone is in our home while we are not here!  It's a strange feeling.  You wonder whether this person is going through your stuff, or you notice they moved something, etc.  It's an adjustment process for sure, one that I had not anticipated.
3. The nanny came by for about 8 hours in an effort to transition from S being with Daddy all day to S being with nanny part of the day.  From the first time she came, S has greeted her with a smile, as he tends to do everyone.  One or both of us was within earshot but out of sight during those initial 8 hours while she spent time with S so that we could gauge their interaction and if he was upset by being with her.  He was his usual happy self, and fussed/cried at his normal times, i.e. wanting to eat or get a diaper change.  It has been nice to leave for work without a baby meltdown to accompany already frantic departures.  BUT, it has also made me wonder if I am replaceable, if he will forget me, if he will like nanny more than me, etc.  I know I can't have a baby who adjusts well to his new caretaker and also one who cries (for mommy's benefit?) when mommy leaves...
4. Lastly, I am realizing that I can't be an employer and also a friend.  It may be a cultural thing, or maybe it's the norm and I don't know it because this is my first experience with hiring personal help.  I knew from the interview that she was quiet and reserved, and well, I liked that!  So, why now do I want her to be the chit-chatty, tell-me-her-life-story type?  She takes good care of S and I need to leave it at that.

Meanwhile, M is enjoying his new job, likes getting out of the house for a few hours each day and having adult interaction, and he has been his usual laid back self about the entire transition.  All in all, this has been quite an adjustment... not so much for the little one or daddy, as you can now tell, but definitely for mommy!